7.25.2004

Lucidity

"You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming? "

Lucid Dreaming Guide

 
so i wrote this whole shizzle on lucid dreams and how i had one and want to consistently be able to have them now, but blogspot darshed the whole thing.  Basically, i want to be able to escape every day life in these dreams, i want to be able to be anything in them, to control that reality...to fly.  fuckin blogspot...i spent a good 10 minutes writing that...what a wasted opportunity cost...shit, i think micro is getting to me. 

anyway, that guide is about 15 or so pages long, and you may think it's bogus, but do i look like i give a shit what you think?  ill go have a lucid dream and swat you in it...thats right, cant do much about that now, can ya?

7.21.2004

Dishonesty

I really dont understand why people lie all the time.  First, id like to state that i lie as well, but i do my very best not to.  As i was saying, why do it?  When you hear "honesty is the best policy"...they aint lying.   I just dont get why people chose to tell people, especially those close to them, things that arent true.  Are they just scared of what the truth holds?  Is that the reason?  I find the worst case is when someone lies to you, about something fairly important...not some petty crap...and then later on you realize they bullshitted you and youve caught them in their bullshit and theyre stinking like ass because of it.  Only problem is that you cant come out and call their lies because theyll either cover it up with more of the same or call you a distrusting asshole for trying to figure out they werent telling you the truth. 

Either way, if you every think im bullshitting you, please call me out on it.  Just say, "shears, youre shitting me, dont be an ass and tell me the truth."  And i guess all i can ask is that you tell me how it is, straight up, no matter what u think my reaction will be. 

And on a side note...if i ever offend you personally with something i write, i apologize.  i write what i feel and i get in the moment with it and i just let it flow.  Problem is once that flow is done i usually dont go back and edit it...oh well, i write what i see as the truth in my eyes and if you get hurt in the process then i apologize once more. 

***

Todd Wellemeyer is the greatest relief pitcher in Cubs history and i plan on dropping 160 for his jersey and suggest you do the same(I'm talking to you Jeffe).

7.18.2004

Believe
 
Livid is the mind
That doesnt believe
For they shall be
Distraught in life
Lost without purpose
Lacking the guidance
Which is needed
To survive in this 
Despairity known
As the world
Do not be afraid
Of fate
Fear He who
Controls your fate
For in your disbelief
Will come His
Almighty vengeance
And He will make
You realize His
True power,
His awesome strength
And woe is you
Who stands in His way



7.14.2004

Social Prerogative


All i can write about is what i feel. My own opinions and nobody else's. Which brings me to today's topic of sociality. No, not socialism and that shit, but being social as in friendly as in "going out" etc etc. Im not sure about most people, but i really dislike large parties or gatherings. I always seem to just kinda corner myself away and think of how much im not liking it and how i really want to leave. I'd much rather enjoy a night of either being with one good friend or a group of friends...say around 5 people. Just sitting around, talking, maybe drinking, maybe going out and doing something, but the main reason is just to be with those people. Back to the party topics...i mean, you go there and make apathetic conversations with people who half of the time you dont like or really dont care about. At least thats me, so i fail to see the point of going. Why hang out with someone who you dont give two shits about. Either way, im just writing out my thoughts, so if youre now thinking im an antisocial little bitch who needs to learn how to be more friendly...then you need to realize this is just how i am. i like smaller groups of close friends, like at college drinking in Greg Dowells room with jeff, keith, greg, and sometimes colin...that was good shit. but its when you get a bunch of other schmucks in there that it started to suck, because those people sucked. Im not saying im better than them, they just sucked.

Anyways id also like to take the time to thank those of you who are my good friends. The people i can just hang out with and i know it'll be a good time no matter what we are doing. I'd just like to say to all those good friends....holler.

7.10.2004

Acknowledgement of Mortality.

"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

Are you afraid of dying? Honestly, are you? I know I'm not. There's no point in it. Whatever doesnt kill me just postpones the inevitable. We are all gonna bite it someday so why worry about it now? Especially since it is out of our control. Drunk drivers, falling airplanes, toasters in the bathtub...death looms over us in every aspect of life. But we can't just sit here and crumple into a little ball and be scared of death taking us. how do i know that i dont die in my sleep tonite? I dont. Then how would i feel about my final day...i would feel terrible. I did jack shit, i didnt live today, i didnt feel. I wasted one of the extremely limited days of my life, again. Everybody always asks questions like, "what would you say to this person if you knew you were going to die tomorrow..." etc etc, but the thing is, WE DONT KNOW. Thats why i need to start acting like i have zero time left. For those of you who dont understand this, this isnt supposed to be depressing. Its supposed to be enlightening for me. I mean, i really need to start doing something with my life now before its too late. Cliche i know, but honestly, i need to do something. i sit here and assume that tomorrow is guaranteed. but in fact tomorrow is guaranteed to nobody. i really dont know where im going with this...except tell your friends thank you, tell the people you love that you love them, and come to realization of your impending doom. once we all do that then we can finally get on with life. we can finally live.

7.08.2004

Comfort

disappear into the night with me
come home and share my bed
breath easily my dear and rest your gorgeous head
loosen your back, let me massage out your stress
breath deeply now because we should rest
hold my hand, press it tight against your heart
never let go, this is all we have
listen to our hearts beat
one along with the other
pull your hair back girl, ill rest my lips on your neck
never could i be so calm with anyone else
i wish we could lay like this forever
but until forever comes ill be here with you
just keep holding my hand
hold it tight against your chest
its all we got now
please baby, just rest
Pure as Skies

once i look into her eyes
it all goes away
replaced by her beautiful face
charming smile, perfect skin
It makes me feel that no matter how short this is
I will forever be thankful
Just to hold this moment with you