99 Problems (the Santa Claus Remix)

he's got the wrap patrol on the gift patrol
foes that wanna make sure his workshop's closed
Jew people that say he's 'cookies, milk, snow'
he's from the pole, stupid, what type of facts are those
if you grew up with elves in your bedroom shelves
you'd a hit the sleigh before you was reachin twelve
so screw kwanzaa, it can kiss his whole red nose
if you don't like his beard than you can just eat snow
got beef with miss claus if he dont come home
she don't deliver gifts, and he don't give a shit, ho!
all these malls try to use his face
cause, little kids will give em more cash this way...phonies
i dont know what you take him as
or understand the deer that ol' kringle has
he's from, coal to candy kiddies, i aint dumb

i got 99 problems
but the Claus aint one
hit me!


ESPN/USA Today Friend Poll
This time there's an order, bitches.

1. Rick - After spending half a year no where near the list, Rick makes the giant leap into the number one spot. Sharing the right side of a softball diamond means something. He likes Linkin Park. Jeff didn't like Linkin Park. Yeah Jeff, thats not Staind.

1a. Gregory 'jesus' Dowell - Just like the Cubs pitching staff, there is no ace. As stated before, Greg will never bullshit when talking with him. Or talking about other people. Either way, no shit is a good thing.

3. Dave "Old Man" Ridarelli - Staying solid at the number three position. Dave does not let down with the hilariousness nor the dirty old man-ness.

4. Keith - Keith is keith. However keith also gets most of my nerd/dork/computer humor. IRC was our starting ground.

5. Jeff - The former number one takes a mighty fall in the polls due to lack of Linkin Park appreciation. We also no longer share the feeling of desperately needing to get back with our ex girlfriends. Plus Chad Hutchinson took over his spot in the triangle of power. Chad has a much better arm.

6. Steph - Yes, an ex-girlfriend. Yes, insert shears ex-girlfriend joke here. But seriously, she'll tell me anything and i'll tell her anything without having to worry about it. I can't do that with the tall, fat chick i made out with randomly now can i.

7. Lindsey Parke - And yet another ex-girlfriend. But she's fun and it's a great time to piss her off by acting black around her and insulting her use of her parent's credit card to buy expensive clothing.

8. Jon Jon - The whole proximity thing is partially to blame for this drop, as i havent seen jonny too much. but when we do get schwasted it is always a very grooda time.

9. Mike Kimak - The end all when it comes to Cubs knowledge...aside from Steve Stone/Pat Hughes. It's nice to talk to someone that actually knows who david kelton and felix pie are.

10. ZK - This year's roomate turned out a little better than last years, cause he didnt have sex in my bed...at least not that i know of. Plus, theres some sort of bond that grows between people when they get robbed by black dudes in big coats.

Others receiving votes:
Erica, Josh Barnett, Don P, Brian Malone, Led, Richkey, Natalie, Hannah, Kelly

Dropped from rankings:
Melissa, Juan, Led, Jill, Hannah, Malone, Ganz/Galer/Reid


Loosen up

I could sit here and bitch about what shit is going bad in my life and woe is me and how life isn't fair, but i'm not. i'm just gonna say if you feel so bad for yourself imagine being stuck in a wheelchair, or unable to move your arms, or not being able to eat for a day. You are blessed beyond your wildest imaginations, so stop wishing of what could be, bitching about how everything sucks, and strap up, grow a set, and fuckin do something about it.